The Disgruntled Tech’s Tech Support Calls

Have you ever called up a tech support hotline and been really rude to the person you reached, as if if were their fault that you don’t even know how to configure your internet settings correctly? Ever wonder what it would be like if the tables were turned? What if the tech acted like a total moron at you instead as you were left speechless? Below you’ll find our personal collection of technical support phone calls. These are all real calls and we were rude as hell to the customers for no apparent reason.

What kind of questions are these?? A technical support worker is baffled by the stupidity of an internet user’s questions and curses her ignorance. The user doesn’t seem to notice it and keeps asking questions.

S-H-I-T-H-E-A-D This lady needs to know what her User ID is and she’s a little surprised when see realizes what the tech had her write on a piece of paper.

Boner #1 Some old people call in about some internet problems and TS starts asking them about boners before he hangs up on them.

Throw It Out The Window This guy hates the internet because he doesn’t know how to use it.

Cactus? What are you trying to play? The TS worker says nothing but “cactus” and this guy wants to know what this cactus business is all about.

E-mail problems This tech support worker isn’t the greatest with her people skills.

The server is not connecting This lady explains her problem and after the tech support guy cracks a little joke both him and the customer laugh hysterically as he hangs up on her.

Password Hacker It’s just too easy to social engineer passwords out of some users.

Have A Groovy Day Faithful tech support worker Colleen tells a customer to just chuck it all when he tells her he’s out of hard drive space. He doesn’t seem to think this is a good idea but reluctantly agrees.

Cactus? I’m rather confused This tech support worker only knows one word: Cactus. And the customers is rather confused about it.

I can’t believe you fell for that A technical support worker pretends that he’s an automated phone system and prompts the user to press buttons and responds in vulgar language that really pisses off the customer. Some people just can’t take a joke.

No You Didn’t A girl calls in to describe her computer problems but the tech support worker refuses to believe a word she says. When she calls him rude he doesn’t believe that either.

$18 Fuse: A lady calls to ask about a charge on her internet account and is surprised at the answer she gets. This clip has a sequel – be sure to listen to the clip below called “nooner.”

Nooner: This is the sequel to the “$18.00 Fuse” clip above. After Mrs. Anus calls back, EvilCal goes into more detail about what a nooner is.

Harder and Longer: Once again pretending to be an automated phone system, a tech support worker confuses an internet user until they hang up.

I don’t have a gerbil: This guy is a little surprised when he reaches Roy’s Technical Support & Gerbil Grooming and probably a little upset when he finds out that he has to own a gerbil to get technical support. (As heard on TechTV!)

We’re Crazy With The Love: A happy-go-lucky tech support lady is just a little TOO happy for this internet user.

You’re Dialing The Wrong Modem Number: A user calls in to complain that they can’t connect and after a tech support girl gives them the correct number to call in on, the user laughs and hangs up on her. How rude.

You Can Eat It: This is a “tough guy” customer who wants to call in and be an asshole to whoever he talks to. His wants support and respect but he wasn’t prepared for us.

Script Terminals: This guy doesn’t think that tech support worker Roy is very sexy and ends up hanging up on him.

Cactus Wont Help MeThis is a really long call – a girl calls in about internet problems and all TS replies with is “cactus” which is confusing for her.

Boner #2 The same old people call back and they have no clue what a boner is.

Boner #3 And one last time. The old lady concludes that the lines must be messed up.

Cactus – Is This A Business? Another lady just doesn’t understand the whole cactus thing.

The user is broken A guy calls in with a problem and it’s obvious to the TS guy what the problem really is.

No Teacher Discounts This guy isn’t very happy that we’re not discounting his wife anymore because she’s a teacher.

Enter Your Password This TS guy is very helpful about the user’s problem.

New Billing Rates This TS guy explains the new billing rates to the customer.

Technical Support This guy is having trouble hearing us.

Whore Having Problems This lady is trying to install the internet and can’t quite figure it out.


Some Non-Tech Mayhem You’ll Enjoy


Our Tech Support Calls on Tech TV

At some point, I think in 2002, Tech TV did a small piece on our Tech Support calls. They played half of one of the tech support pranks and talked about the website briefly.


User Comments

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01/06/06 – conan from asfuko: keep makin these phone things. they rock

11/11/05 – Braxton from Indiana: Cool Site man


08/24/05 – Ryan from California: Dear sweet jesus.. your cactus calls are an inspiration :-D

07/27/05 – Fragenstein from Germany: HAHAHAHA

06/18/05 – D-503 from Adelaide, Australia: Tech. Support peeps deserve a medal. Since no one is going to give it to them, at least they have this :-).

06/03/05 – Phreakuency from Asheville, NC: I work as TS for Earthlink. I only wish I could do this and not get fired – it’s been so hard to resist. When I figure out how to intercept these calls I will take out my frustration on Earthlink customers from the comfort of my own home… And laugh about it at work the next day!

05/12/05 – theonly1 from yo mamas closet: this statement is redundant but how did you do that

04/28/05 – BlackPlague from Earth: “Whore Having Problems This lady is trying to install the internet and can’t quite figure it out.” Got me laughing like HELL!!!

04/21/05 – undisclosed from canada: yeah, some isp mbrs are fuckin dumb! :D but this is what makes us enjoy the job when we laugh at them… like spelling out your name when they want to file a complaint, or read them the terms or service when they bitch about loosing money off their business. or thinking that we are satan. or thinking that with the flick of a switch on our side it’s gonna be fixed. or somebody flirting your supervisor when they wants to talk to them for kudos. its always fun also to repeat yourself 4-5 times :D

04/14/05 – DrBenway from Georgia: Long time fan, new site is the best ever.

03/21/05 – Jack from 505: I can’t wait to get that second job with the airline call center. Good times ahead! “I’d like to fly to Toronto, please!” “Too fucking bad, it’s to Toledo with you, moron!”

03/03/05 – SAILESH from BANGALORE: You guys rock! I love the tech support calls- I’ve passed around the link to your site at work! Too awesome!

03/03/05 – Rohan Rebello from Bangalore: The best calls i have ever heard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

03/03/05 – soni from bangalore: very good

03/02/05 – CrackPot from Olmsted Falls Ohio: With Out TS We’d Be Lost Thank TS,Ur Great

01/07/05 – Jason from Lethbridge: AWSOME SITE

12/22/04 – Ted from MD: you guys rock

03/20/04 – Jerome from WA STATE: Funny stuff.. Its just like being at work!!! I will be sharing this site with co-workers.

03/19/04 – Jackie from Florida: You guys rock! I love the tech support calls- I’ve passed around the link to your site at work! Too awesome!

02/26/04 – Crush from intraweb: What ever happened to the video clip of the PLA on The Screen Savers?? That should be up somehere..


Comments

The Disgruntled Tech’s Tech Support Calls — 11 Comments

  1. You made my day!!!! I wish I could get away with telling people just how dumb they are but I would get fired. These calls get to do what I dream of doing.

  2. The site was decent, but a lot of the calls are cut off before the end……………………

  3. well you claim these calls are “real” – and what call isn’t? but they aren’t all “genuine” – some of these sound like two adolescent boys who’ve just discovered their penises and they’re calling each other up to talk to each other about it

    there’s no way these are all from real tech support lines

    gf

  4. Will you guys ever repost the tech call with MS bluescreening on the kid who calls the help desk and call bill gates a cocksucker?
    You know….
    The credit card numbers trying to subscribe to playboy?

    Yeah, that one. :D

    That was one of the best ones…

  5. oh my good god, this is the funniest stuff I’ve read and heard in a LONG time. Especially the Dino story.

  6. “cactus” lol thats great. i thought i was the only one who did that crap. only i do it to callers that are trying to sell me things or bill me and i use the word “camel” =]

  7. georg kryjcek, their calls are real, they used different methods of recieving them too like crossing the buisness’s phone lines with theirs.

    your just one of those conspiracy theory freaks huh? go around saying “nope that aint realll”

  8. Hey,

    I just wanted to let you guys know you’ve got a great thing here. I work for an online software provider where there are 18 of us who do tech support in our Canadian Office. We will listen to you guys when we arent busy to pass the time and to help us get through some of our less than enjoyable calls. Thanks for being there! Cactus, and Nooner are our favourites.

  9. Hmm… I enjoy hearing/reading the actual tech support calls, where the customer is obviously lacking any computer knowledge whatsoever, and/or common sense… so I can understand how it can get frustrating… but to be honest, none of this was funny. I can think of one word to describe this accurately:

    Yawn.

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