Real Auto Parts Calls

Hi. My name is Chuck and I work at an auto parts store in Southeast Kentucky. The job itself isn’t so bad but the moronic customers always coming in and thinking they know shit really gets on my nerves. Especially the phone calls. So we started recording the phone calls just so we’d have something to laugh at on slow days. And now I present these phone calls to you. Click on the title of each phone call to listen to it in mp3 format. For those who sayI need to be fired – let’s see you try working at an auto parts store for more than a month.

Radiator Hose – Why the hell would a guy call me while I’m trying to work just to let me know that he needs to come in and buy a radiator hose?? Just come to the store, people, no need to fucking announce yourselves.

Proper English – Here’s a guy who thinks that just because I work at an auto store I’ll be able to relate to him better if he talks down to me and uses expressions like “ya’ll.” I set him straight real quick and he hangs up on me. Maybe he’ll show a little more respect to the employees at the next store he calls.

Get Back In The Kitchen – Okay I don’t have anything against females. But do they really need to be calling up a business and pretending they know shit about cars? This lady calls about an alternator and I politely tell her to have her husband call in. She gets all pissy sounding and says it’s for her car. How cute is that.

Shut Your Kids Up – If you’re going to call up a business to get information, at least have the common sense to lock your damn kids in the closet for the duration of the phone call. I can’t even hear this moron because his kids are yelling in the background.

Shut Your Kids Up #2 – Now the moron calls us back and actually tries to complain to the manager about us telling him to quieten the kids down. Guess he’s just pissed off that he doesn’t know how to control his kids. The chickenshit never did show up.

Up A Tree – Another idiot customer thinks he’s going to get me in trouble with my manager. When he realizes that I’m not going to let him talk to the manager, he spouts off a bunch of gibberish to me and hangs up.

Chocolate Syrup – This guy needs a little automotive advice and we’re sometimes willing to help people out when things aren’t too busy.

Talk To The Manager – This guy wants to talk to the manager so he can try and get me in trouble. As if they would fire me, those fuckers need me there. Then the asshole tries to impress me that he owns a cellular phone.

What’s Your Problem? – Another female thinking she has business trying to deal with auto parts. Gets an attitude with me for no reason at all.

Plug N Play – Here’s a guy who doesn’t seem to believe that an oxygen sensor is Plug N Play compatible. Don’t you just love people who call in and think they know more than you?

No More Chevys – If it’s not the customers calling in and annoying us, it’s employees from the other stores. The store over on Highway 35 actually still carries Chevy parts (WTF???) and has the nerve to ask us if we have some Chevy parts they can use. They need to go to a junk yard for that kind of shit.

Brake Pads – Another guy calls up and thinks he knows more shit than we do about cars. If they think they know so much then why the hell don’t they come and get a job here. This guy actually says, “I don’t think you know what you’re talking about.”

89 Inch Bolt – Listen to this asshole, we try to make a little friendly conversation by asking him what he’s working on and he gets mad and cops an attitude. Then he hangs up on us. You’re welcome for the service, asswipe. Who needs customers like this?

Wheel Barrel – This guy is nice enough but what a fucking retard. He’s already got a pickup truck but he wants to attach a wheel barrel to his truck to haul extra stuff in. Some people shouldn’t be allowed to leave the house.

Can’t Speak English – You call an auto parts store in Kentucky. It’s in America. So why the hell wouldn’t you ask your question in fucking English??? English or not, though, women shouldn’t be calling up an auto parts store in the first place.

Window Motor – A lady calls in about a window motor for her husband’s Firebird and I tell her what all it comes with. Her being a female, she sounds confused when I give her the details. But she finally agrees to come and pick it up.

Using The Bathroom – My co-worker was using the bathroom when this customer calls. He pretended to look for the guy’s parts while he was actually taking a piss the whole time. The guy never had a clue.

Timing Belt – This call is a little confusing because there are about 3 different customers on the line at once. One customer doesn’t believe that we’re called Auto Hut and he tries to make a stupid joke. Another is asking if we have batteries (um, duh) and the other needs a timing belt.

5.0 – It’s customers like this that really piss me off. This one calls me a fucking shmuck. He wouldn’t be saying that shit to my face, that’s why he has to call in on the phone.

My District Manager – I’m trying to help a customer with an alternater and my district manager gets on the extension and starts giving me shit. He should at least let me take care of the customers before he tries to discipline me. Fucknut thinks he knows everything just because he wears a suit.

Brake Light – We’re out of water pumps so I do what I was trained to do – try to make a sale anyway. As usual, the asshole customer hangs up on me. And you wonder why I hate answering the phones at this place.

Not A Ma’am – One of the employees at our store is a little hard of hearing but that’s no reason to insult the poor guy and then hang up on him.

On My Way Over – And yet another one tries to scare me by telling me he’s on his way over. He shouldn’t have warned us, I called a quick employee meeting and when he got here we took him out by the dumpster and fucked his world up. At least I think it was the right guy, we didn’t give the bastard much time to talk.

Attitude Problem – While trying to help several customers at once on the phone (we do that to save ourselves time) some woman calls in and thinks that we should drop everything and help her.

Wiper Switch – We put up with a lot of bullshit at our job and we have to dish a lot of it back out at customers. But some days you just feel like being nice. Here’s a call where I was helpful to a customer, no attitude from either of us.

Wrong Light Bulb – It’s a routine thing at our store to mispackage items. We put cheap junk inside the expensive boxes and that way we turn a profit. It’s no secret, it’s just business. But at least we’re honest with the customers if they confront us about it.

AA Batteries – This bitch flips out on us just because of a little miscommunication about the type of battery she’s looking for. This is exactly why women should leave car part shopping to the men!

Power Steering Pump – This dude is obviously high on speed, he expects us to just drop what we’re doing and go check on a price for him. Then he starts with the usual attitude that we always have to deal with here.

Are You Open? – This old man calls up asking stupid questions and then just rambles on and on about being sorry for asking. He may be sorry but there’s just no excuse for dumb questions like this.

Lazy Customer – This guy thinks he can call up and start using bad language with us. Then he puts his wife on the phone to cuss at us even more.

Murd0c has Snapped – He just can’t take it anymore, dealing with stupid customers day after day. Murd0c finally snaps and the customer threatens his life.

Email Address – Okay get this…this guy doesn’t even have an email address. How the hell is Heywood supposed to look up a part for this guy if he doesn’t have email?? Sheesh.

No Flat Belts – This guy is a little behind the times, he thinks that people still use flat belts for alternaters. Get with it, people!

Spark Plug – These people try and sell me a spark plug. Like we do trade-ins on them or something. My manager eventually has to get on the phone and straighten things out.

V Belt – We don’t exactly have what this guy is looking for but I’m more than happy to try and accomidate him. Unfortunately the sound quality on this clip isn’t too good.

Open Til Midnight – This girl calls to see how late we’re open and refuses to believe what I tell her. Then she tries to trick me by having a guy call me back and ask the same question. Of course I don’t fall for such a trick.

Speak Proper English – This one is an animated video created by EvilCal, based on one of the calls to our store.

User Comments

Feel free to post your own comments about this page by using the form below. If you’d prefer to make a general comment about, try signing our guestbook instead. You can also discuss these calls in our forums.

03/16/06: rod from canada too true,we’re in redneck north……

03/14/06: Paula from Texas i worked for auto parts store i think i was funny to call your other stores and ask then for a raditator for the VW Bettle. that tell you who is stupid enough to look for it

03/13/06: Evan from ok if your tryin to be a comedian these really arent funny at all and how do you get calipers and brake pads confused your a dumbass and a horrible employee, that dosent even come close to deserving a job. oh and weddie

02/27/06: jim from texas haha! i used toworkat an autozone in redneckville texas and this is great.

02/11/06: hehe from eljackoffs this is soo funny, but i agree with gruz

02/11/06: weddie hater from mars go back to the kitchen bitch.

01/25/06: STEVE from Texas STOP b*tching and if dont like this sh*t on this page dont visit it.

01/22/06: weedie from venus I’m a woman and I’m working in a autoparts store…screw you, you fucking dumbass. Not every woman don’t know shit about car,and I’m there to proove it. Anyway, where I come from, we respect customer (guys or gals), even if they are stupid(mostly guys).I understand that you are american and because of that, you think you are king of the world, but you’re not. You are more like a parasitic illness destroying the entire world, with you’re DEAR president Bush(idiotic moron). FUCK USA

01/21/06: africa carey from las vegas screw all u guys that have some negitive to say about them. im a woman i thought u guys were funny as fuck keep it up u are a character

01/14/06: gruz from [email protected] love it but the plug and play sounds fake as fuck

01/08/06: Amanda from Texas I Have worked in auto parts now for 4 years. Trust me you want to hear some of the stupidist shit in the world, come work with me for a couple weeks!!!

01/02/06: Harry Ballsonya from Between Legs yeah man those kinda sucked

01/02/06: Tim from Tampa Take some good advice and actually get a job at an auto business, seeing as how you have no future in comedy.

01/02/06: Dave from Memphis These aren’t very funny. If you’re going to be bitter, you should at least try to be clever, as well. As it is, you’re just lame. Good luck with your career.

01/01/06: Chris from Canora, SK. Well, at least we know that your gonna retire

10/26/05: Out to kick chucks ass from Dark side of the moon ass Chuck you wouldn’t know the first thing about rebuilding a fucking car you god damn stupid ass mother fucker so the next time you wanna say something about cars you dumb ass mother fucker then learn about em first you dumb fuck

10/04/05: madison from clearwater beach, florida i dont like the fact that u seem sexist. u may have nothing against women, but they dont need to stay in the kitchen. id like to see you go in the kitchen and whip up an f-ing 4 star gourmet meal. i kno that u kno everything that there is to kno about cars, but there are women out there who kno also. i mean, most dont and are actually retarded and dont kno what to do. yes, i kno, u think im making this comment cause im a female but i also do kno some about cars myself. sure i dont kno everything

09/11/05: the man from HELL MI haha, these rule. gotta see more phreaks out there god damnit! and fuck all you assholes who DON’T think this is funny shit… Next I’ll Call You!


08/29/05: Geoff from MA These calls are obviously bogus…nice try, dipshits! I liked this gag the first time I heard it, when it was called The Jerky Boys…ya bunch of unoriginal fucks!

08/01/05: Sarah from Arkansas Y’all are fucking hilarious, keep it up!

07/26/05: WHITE TRASH BELOW from perineum I do enjoy the spelling and grammer

07/26/05: steeltoe from philly awesome work! Must emulate your moves! also, why do so many idiots who visit this page think these guys actually work for an auto parts store? You people who do deserve to not understand the humor. morons.

07/26/05: Dan from . You seem like a bit of a tool.

07/20/05: JR from MICHIGAN i also sell parts and i had a guy come in the other day and say “yeah, what is that part on the back of my car there?” kid you not. so i loved these calls good game

07/19/05: I came from your sister I hope you had cops called on you assholes…

07/19/05: Andrew from USA …my wife knows more about cars than any of you do…

07/19/05: Misfit from Tucson AZ Chances are high that they do know more than you…the customers arent saying anything that is challenging your true knowledge

07/19/05: dickins from your ass wow, im , im, wow, this bullshit is so far away

07/19/05: Troy from Canada You need to be terminated, with cause and make sure that you ask for a referrence to insure that nobody ever hires you again. All of the abuse in the phone calls is

07/19/05: jessica from hattiesburg, mississippi i love you

07/13/05: Dustin from Texas Anne

07/13/05: Sarah from Texas Y’all were Hilarious! Keep it up. {

06/24/05: Blake from Canada That was fucking hilarious, DO More!!! you guys rock!!!!

04/11/05: [email protected] from San Diego You guys are Gods amongst us mortals!!! Screw those biatches that call asking for managers, I HATE that crap!!! You rule!

04/03/05: derek from so cal the oc you guys rule, prank calls rule!!!!! gaggagabbahey!!!!

04/03/05: Bob7k from Bed room Kick, ass

03/22/05: Madman from Oregon I have spent 45 minutes on the phone trying to explain to a guy why he can’t use .010″ undersized bearing on his standard size crankshaft. I still love the job, though.

03/08/05: Fatnutts from Dayton Fucking had me rolling all day LMAO.

03/05/05: Chillin’ Dillon from hex secks avenue Hahaha! “Why don’t you come get it then, dipshit?!” These ones are hilariously orgasmic… Orgasmically hilarious. They are. Yes.

02/14/05: Marsha from Massachusetts Thanks for the laughs, I bet you can’t wait to go to work!

02/04/05: Apoo Chapra from NM yeah i have three anus holes and i’m selling them $9.00 each email me if u need one. I only need two.

01/27/05: jude from india this site is COOL , Keep the good work guys

01/22/05: Missy from St. Peters, MO This page is hilarious! And all this time, I thought dumbass customers only came to MY job. Heh. I work at McDonald’s. Imagine the idiots that come there. Even though you work at an auto parts store and I work in fast food, I could totally relate to this stuff. I love how customers think they know more, and the one where they try to trick you and don’t believe what time you close…I just got in a fight with a drunken hoosier over the same thing last night! Anyway…I’m rambling…so bye.

01/10/05: Rob from Indiana we have an auto parts store in Indy, this stuff is hilarious! Are you sure we don’t work at the same place?

12/18/04: Twisted J from [email protected] Brilliant! let me know about more!

12/15/04: Anne from Ky too much foul language

July 24, 2006 – 09:13 PM: chris from arizona man, you people are MEAN

July 31, 2006 – 11:09 AM: Travis from Frumunda, Minuts i work at an auto parts i wish i could talk to customers that way but unfortunatly i need my job.

August 07, 2006 – 10:53 AM: Eric from Southern California hahahaha man thats hilarious i give you 10 out of 10

August 07, 2006 – 05:24 PM: Scott from Texas If you guys worked for me, I’d fire you… but DAMN, this is some funny shit! LOL!

August 08, 2006 – 08:30 AM: stan from kentucky im from souteats ky, what store do u work at chuck. i know ti can get stressful but were not as dumb as everyone thinks. none of them are really that funny. some people call to get prices because they want to get the same thing cheaper form another store. you are hte reason i go napa or advanced auto.

August 08, 2006 – 08:30 AM: Nick from MA everybody already knows that people who work at atuo part stores don’t know shit…. what else is new

August 11, 2006 – 08:45 AM: Rick from NY All the people that take this seriously are helarious. Kinda too obvious that it’s an Auto Zone though.

August 17, 2006 – 10:12 PM: caliper from belt i laughed so hard that thirteen years of smoking came up all over my keyboard, i don’t care if this was legitamate or not, i pictured it as if it were a real auto store and some punk kids were answering the phones without a care in the world, do more of them, its awsome thanks for the laughter you gave me

August 22, 2006 – 03:22 PM: lucy from ill i work at autozone ha ha ha

October 10, 2006 – 12:22 PM: David from Houston This is a everyday event for me so i don’t find it very funny aSS HOLE

December 31, 2006 – 09:42 AM: sam from wash. ,d.c. aside from not being funny i definitely noticed that you ran straight to your buddies when the guy made good on his promise to come kick your ass.. ive been in eastern kentucky and ALL of you boys need help in the fights you start… of course the guy wasnt too smart to tell you he was coming either was he/ thats hillbillys for you… youre definitely doomed to living forever at the bottom of the food chain..

January 04, 2007 – 02:24 PM: Evan’s dad from ok I see you were trying to be a smart ass Evan. By the time you read this, I’ll be standing behind you ready to insert a hot curling iron into your shithole.

January 04, 2007 – 02:25 PM: jesus from west virginia fuck the auo parts cutomers i work at advance and i wanna do this shit to so many people…funny shit

January 04, 2007 – 02:26 PM: Riley from ElReno oklahoma I work at Oreillys I wish I could score getting away with this shit it sofaking hallarious maybe right before I quit I’ll try it……

38 Responses

  1. rey says:

    yo shut your fuckin ass

  2. carlos says:

    u guys r funny my sides splittin i am no sexist but its tru bout females they act like they no cars but dont no jack neway keep up the good wrk

  3. Tiffany from Missouri says:

    Wow, some of the stuff on this site is really funny. Some of it really brings across the deep emotional problems the employees obviously have. Hey, I guess crazy people gotta have fun too but men intimidating and picking on young women? some of these people really sound scared shitless. You so obviously and remoreslessly flaunt your freedom – daring someone to hurt you. Has anyone at this site considered that their sadistic urges might be able to make them some money? There are lots of painsluts and humilation loving whores who would pay big money for your services…why waste your obvious ‘genius’ on these poor retards? Better yet, instead of drowning in the attention you so obviously seek by getting it from these cheap and childish thrills – Why the fuck don’t you put your McDollars to work and just hire someone with proper experience to beat the shit out of you?

  4. billy says:

    Hey Tiffany, I think you meant to post at Possibly Bed, Bath, and
    Beyond? Anyways, Ciao!

  5. I can feel your pain. But we always have two sides at the counter and some real winners work on the side with the stuff you need :)

  6. dusty from portland says:

    I am sooo glad someone finally had the cajones to
    tell it like it is. The auto parts people put up with so much abuse on the phone and over the counter. I have been in the a/p business for
    sixteen years and have heard it all from
    ” i don’t know the year,they are all the same.”
    to “get me one. I’ll bring it back if it doesn’t work.”
    sometimes I give a smart ass answer in my best “valley” squeak.. “is that on the inside of the car , or the outside of the car?”
    oh, by the way— I’m a girl.
    and for the most part , I’d rather talk to a guy too.

  7. bullyd0g says:

    Great website, I passed it along to all my friends!!

  8. Mr.Behr says:

    Plug n play O2 sensor, huh? They actually thread into the exhaust manifold and cost about $80… I’ll take one for $3.00 though!

  9. Jake says:

    HAHA. i love this, and agree with a LOT Of it. But c’mon, radiator for a beetle, that one’s almost as old as the beetle itself. You need to come up with shit like polycarbonate camshafts, muffler control solenoids, steering column drain cock, etc.

    But i agree with a LOT of this shit, working for an auto parts store for a few years

  10. edumacated says:

    Funny stuff guys. I be doing the same thing if I knew I was doomed to work a shit job the rest of my life too.

  11. Alex says:

    Haha, wish I worked there, hilarous!! Passed it around so my friends could get a good laugh :)

  12. Parts Queen says:

    I’ve worked at an independent auto parts store for 12 years…I’m a girl,woman, whatever…. and I lOOOOOVe this site, it is soooo true about the morons that call us on a DAILY basis, oh and I love the ones that ask me if a “parts guy” is available, I tell them no, and ask them if I can help them….sexist pigs, then they start asking me for advice, so I give it. They seem surprised that I know what I’m talking about. And I’ve done it too, I’ve called our local Autozone across the street and asked for both a water pump and a radiator for a 65 Bug, the manager actually got on the phone and guaranteed me that the part will be ordered for me! All I can say is……… wow. I hope he doesn’t breed. Keep up the good work!

  13. brian deskins says:

    I work in a parts store and love this shit because i would love to do that but cant so keep it up for those of us that cant.

  14. Bob George says:

    Ok. This is kind of annoying. My uncle is the manager of the Napa Auto Parts store where we live and nothing is more embarrassing than this towards the parts store. Nothing offensive, I promise, but this is sort of lame.


  15. Dan says:

    I’ve worked at a local auto parts store for about 6 months last summer, and I can tell you this is exactly how it is. Customers think the world revolves around them… so lame! I can’t stand when customers demand that everything is dropped and focus is on them. There are other people in the store! Great site guys, hopefully more customers know of this site so they can see what kind of idiots they’re being!

  16. Thecoolest says:

    Weedie from Venus is the real moron if she bought this shit. George Bush is 1000 times smarter than her and her worthless country. Please die weedie.

  17. jessie says:

    considering the fact that my dad owns a salvage yard and I’ve spent my whole life on cars I would just like to stick up for the ladies here in saying that yes, some of us should only exist to make breakfast and breed but there are a few (such as myself) who know more than just the color of the car they drive every day.

    having answered the phones for my dads work i know how annoying it is to have a girl on the phone repeating every question you ask them to their husband in the background then repeating their answer to you but still some of us aren’t stupid.

    either way, just make sure that before you pass judgment on someone just because they have a vagina, you’re not talking to someone who actually knows their way around a car.

  18. samus octavius says:

    dis sum funni sheet.

  19. Ex TSR says:

    you guys are funny, so i’m guessing you picked up the service phones or something? I wonder how many people actually came down to the store. Keep on doing what you’re doing. But you need to post some new calls.

  20. dan says:

    hahahaha look at all the people who are mad at you guys above me. they just dont have a sense of humor =]

  21. Gina says:

    You haters need to chill out. You don’t understand that they don’t really work at an auto store, they managed to hack into the phone lines so they can answer the calls. go into their other pranks and this will be obvious!

  22. Mcfuklebuck says:

    yea! stop drinking tha ‘hater-aide’!!!!!

  23. HisDaddy says:

    This is funny? I’ve worked in auto parts and I’ve known infantile losers like this. They live with mom & dad, eat the free food, and waste their paycheck on auto parts and booze. Sorry to say he doesn’t deserve his minimum wage pay or the unemployment check he’ll be looking for. He deserves a spanking and no dessert.

  24. jordan says:

    “i dont speak english either im sorry” HAHAHA!!!

  25. Molly says:

    i think that this is funny, but in some ways it really isnt. making racist jokes and putting down people can be funny to some degree, and then it can be just fucking mean and a bunch of bull shit.

  26. Mcfuklebuck says:

    i think that racism is wrong!

  27. Liz says:

    Yeah. Women defiently don’t have to stay in the kitchen.
    We are human, ya know.
    Like seriouisly I wish I could see you in person so I could slap the fucking piss out you and set your ass straight with a brass knucle punch to the face and a kick in the nuts you stupid self rightous lonely mother fucker that has nothing else to do but try and make other people feel like shit, in order to make your life just a little bit better. Well you know what I think about you kind of people. You’re distusting and pathetic. PLEASE gimme your address so I can show you what I think about you :) You stupid ass munching bitch. You think men are better because your selfish lying peices of shit assholes. Well I’m pretty sure your not and will not ever be better than me, you sizzle dick mother fucker.

  28. not liz says:

    liz shut your fucking mouth and get back to the kitchen!

  29. hey liz says:

    hey liz, maybe you dont realize this is all a big joke and they dont work in a store, or maybe you are just too stupid because you are a woman, get back in the kitchen and make me something to eat

  30. christian says:

    eh. not as funny as i thought it would be.

  31. zelda says:

    I have been working on cars for over 30 years punk.
    I have the tools and the scars to prove it. I have had the displeasure of dealing with shitty attitudes like yours way too often in the auto parts business. Needless to say that I don’t deal with a store that does not grant me the respect and consideration I deserve.
    And as for the get back in the kitchen comment, I once put a starter on a Chevy and prepared a Thanksgiving dinner for six. It is all in how you manage your time and priorities. Don’t tell me to go back to the bedroom either, I promise you couldn’t afford or handle me! I don’t have the time for training like I used to.

  32. Mom says:

    Chuck, this is Mom. I very disappointed in you. You never lived up to your potential. We always had high hopes for you even though you were never that bright.

  33. amely says:

    it is.but it is also very interesting.think of that you have to work everyday,but always the same duty.however it is different some one cals you even if it is a complain call.

    by the way,did you ever receive the phone call said that they would like to sell something to you?how do you think so?

    because i am the auto parts sales,and the rules of my company need us to call the people at least 5 one month.

  34. Erin says:

    I’m a female who WORKS at an Auto Parts store, so don’t be an asshole to me… This is one of the many reasons that I (who happen to be from the deep south) have always considered Kentucky a sub-par state as intelligence goes.

  35. nONE NIGGUH says:


  36. slowp0k3 says:

    wtf looks like we have a bunch of “winners” commenting

  37. Danika says:

    Howdy, I thought these were hilarious, I being yes, a women work at an auto parts store and its flipping ridiculous how many moronic questions you get every day, My all time favorite though, I need the part for my car.” Yes sir what part would that be? ” The thing that goes on the thing that makes your vehicle run” Ok well to start off, what’s your car? “Does that really matter?” Yes sir it does. “Well if you really think so, its a ford or gm or something” Sorry sir but I don’t think we have the part you need, its a dealer only item, have a good day. Haha ill never forget that baby.

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