Dialing 1-800-888-8839. Ring ring ring ring....
op: Thank you for calling Texas Tourism, did you see our number on tv?
me: yes ma'am
op: Thats great, did you get an extension?
op: what channel were you watching?
op: umm...what network is that?
me: uh...wkrp, I think
op: No, I mean like the history channel or the weather channel or something like that...
me: oh, I don't know
op: ok, may I have your name?
op: umm...and your name is?
op: ok travis, and your last name?
me: do you need that?
op: ...if you want us to send you the travel guide....
me: Does it have to be my real last name or can I make something up?
op: I don't know...
me: ok, it's smie
op: and how is that spelled?
me: with an S
me: no, S-M-I-E
op: ok and I have that as travis smie, spelled T-R-A-V-I-S S-M-I-E, is that correct?
me: don't you think it's strange that you texas tourism people are in Kansas City, MO instead of texas?
op: uh, sir, we just answer the phones for them and send out travel guides
me: so you don't really know anything about texas?
op: well I wouldn't say that...
me: are there cows in texas?
op: I'd think!
me: but you don't know?
op: listen sir, we're really busy, do you want the travel guide?
me: why do you think I called?
op: ok, may I have your address sir?
op: and your address is?
me: 166 roop st.
op: that's 166 R-O-U-P st.?
me: no ma'am, that's R-O-O-P...
op: ok, and may I have your zip code?
op: and that's Mount Hope West Virginia, area code 304, may I have your phone number?
me: WOW!did you memorize that?
op: umm...no, it shows up on the computer...
me: in reddish orange letters?
me: I met this girl the other day, she was so nice! really pretty to, big brown eyes, really long, soft light brown hair...
op: umm...that's nice sir...can I have your telephone number now sir?
op: and it is...
op: that's 304-877-2226?
op: and where do you plan to visit in your trip to texas?
me: I'd like to visit the Roy Orbison museum in Wink Texas
op: and that's in winkler county?
me: yes ma'am, named for the civil war hero henry w. winkler
op: and what would you like to do during your stay in texas?
me: celing fan
op: excuse me?
me: um...watch television, get high, beat up old people, the usual stuff...
me: before you go, sometimes I get these really nice spiral curls to the sides
of my face, kinda like jewish people, but it only happens about two or
three times a month, you wouldn't know how to make that happen more often
me: hmm...oh well....
op: well your travelguide should be there in about two weeks...
me: two weeks? why so long?
op: we send all travel guides out @ the end of the week to get better bulk
me: so if I ordered like 50 of those for someone they'd all get there @ the
op: you can only order one sir
me: are you sure, I've got 10 already
op: good bye
me: merry christmas!
by Matt Burns ([email protected])