Texas Department of Tourism – by Matt Burns


Dialing 1-800-888-8839. Ring ring ring ring….

op: Thank you for calling Texas Tourism, did you see our number on tv?
me: yes ma’am
op: Thats great, did you get an extension?
me: no
op: what channel were you watching?
me: 10
op: umm…what network is that?
me: uh…wkrp, I think
op: No, I mean like the history channel or the weather channel or something like that…
me: oh, I don’t know
op: ok, may I have your name?
me: yes
op: umm…and your name is?
me: travis
op: ok travis, and your last name?
me: do you need that?
op: …if you want us to send you the travel guide….
me: Does it have to be my real last name or can I make something up?
op: I don’t know…
me: ok, it’s smie
op: and how is that spelled?
me: with an S
op: S-M-E-E?
me: no, S-M-I-E
op: ok and I have that as travis smie, spelled T-R-A-V-I-S S-M-I-E, is that correct?
me: don’t you think it’s strange that you texas tourism people are in Kansas City, MO instead of texas?
op: uh, sir, we just answer the phones for them and send out travel guides
me: so you don’t really know anything about texas?
op: well I wouldn’t say that…
me: are there cows in texas?
op: I’d think!
me: but you don’t know?
op: listen sir, we’re really busy, do you want the travel guide?
me: why do you think I called?
op: ok, may I have your address sir?
me: yes
op: and your address is?
me: 166 roop st.
op: that’s 166 R-O-U-P st.?
me: no ma’am, that’s R-O-O-P…
op: ok, and may I have your zip code?
me: 25880
op: and that’s Mount Hope West Virginia, area code 304, may I have your phone number?
me: WOW!did you memorize that?
op: umm…no, it shows up on the computer…
me: in reddish orange letters?
op: um…yeah
me: I met this girl the other day, she was so nice! really pretty to, big brown eyes, really long, soft light brown hair…
op: umm…that’s nice sir…can I have your telephone number now sir?
me: sure
op: and it is…
me: 877-2226
op: that’s 304-877-2226?
me: yup
op: and where do you plan to visit in your trip to texas?
me: I’d like to visit the Roy Orbison museum in Wink Texas
op: and that’s in winkler county?
me: yes ma’am, named for the civil war hero henry w. winkler
op: and what would you like to do during your stay in texas?
me: celing fan
op: excuse me?
me: um…watch television, get high, beat up old people, the usual stuff…
op: um…ok
me: before you go, sometimes I get these really nice spiral curls to the sides
of my face, kinda like jewish people, but it only happens about two or
three times a month, you wouldn’t know how to make that happen more often
would you?
op: uh…no
me: hmm…oh well….
op: well your travelguide should be there in about two weeks…
me: two weeks? why so long?
op: we send all travel guides out @ the end of the week to get better bulk
shipping rates…
me: so if I ordered like 50 of those for someone they’d all get there @ the
same time?
op: you can only order one sir
me: are you sure, I’ve got 10 already
op: good bye
me: merry christmas!
op: *click!*

by Matt Burns ([email protected])


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2 Responses

  1. aarron says:

    ha ha ha i got the first comment cause im chika chika slim shady!

  2. doogal scroogen says:

    donald yelnats peed on my foot! i demand compensation for this most veritose act of cruelty and if my demands are not met within 24 hours then president truman will be executed at the end of the 14th hour and i like cheese and please don’t arrest me or ill pee on you too! -My adventure in prank calling

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