Comments on: Funny Answering Machine & Voicemail Messages

By: Cheer girl

Cheer girl — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 04:32:21 +0000

Hello(pause)
I can’t hear you (pause)
Who is this(pause)
Whatever you name and message at the beep

By: Jake

Jake — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 23:53:38 +0000

I know your out there, I can feel you now.
I know that your afraid, your afraid of us.
Your afraid of change. I dont know the future, I didnt come here to tell you how its going to end. I came here to tell you how its going to begin. I am going to hang up this phone and then I’m going to show these people what you dont want them to see. I’m going to show them a world without you. A world without rules and controls, without borders and bounderies. Where we go from there is a choice I leave to you.
(The Matrix)

By: Stacy

Stacy — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 23:05:24 +0000

This were pretty funny, but some were kinda lame… like u know?

By: Kawaiixsarang

Kawaiixsarang — Mon, 28 Mar 2011 23:59:23 +0000

Hello there I am pretty sure you are calling my from a cell phone to my cell phone so why don’t you just send me a text and quit making your life so complicated!! If not then please keep up with the century!!

By: Sarpokaz14

Sarpokaz14 — Fri, 12 Nov 2010 03:07:46 +0000

I agree with charlie only some were good…

By: little kid down the street

little kid down the street — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 06:24:53 +0000

” Hello you’ve reached the suicide hot-line, please hold knife up to wrist, and slit at the sound of beep!”

“Iâ€™m Sorry, the code detected on my phone says your ugly, please hang up, find Bam Margera, and try your call again!â€œ..

By: charlie

charlie — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 19:39:36 +0000

this is junck only a couple r good

By: james himself

james himself — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 16:27:55 +0000

(in the trembling voice of an old lady)

Oh, here. page six. When you are ready to record, press record. Record? now where is that?? hmm…. stop…. play…. on off… on off? that’s odd. oh, record! I found it! Here it is! now where was I? Oh, yes, Press record. …..
Oh, it’s already pressed. … … Hello? HELLO? Who’s calling? Hello? Is there anybody there? I can’t hear you. Hello?

By: kdj2

kdj2 — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 03:18:41 +0000

HELLO…KENS’ PHONE MACHING SPEAKING. YOU TELL ME AND I’LL TELL HIM.

By: Alice

Alice — Sun, 20 Jun 2010 04:01:35 +0000

omg lol you have reached my cell if you are
cool and not a geek leave your message
after the beep….

hello one second im at micky d’s hi can i
get a double cheese burger a big mac a mc.
flurry a taco no beef a hamburger no ham oh wait i forgot to tell u these is my voice mail…

By: alyn

alyn — Mon, 29 Mar 2010 16:37:44 +0000

Like totally like WOW Like were not home rte
NOW so leave a message after the tone and well call you when we get home! LIKE BYE LIKE BYE

By: Zach

Zach — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 21:28:55 +0000

“Ahhh… BEEP”

By: Sarah

Sarah — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 01:52:45 +0000

Hello, you have reached Sarah’s family and we can not come to the phone right now. Please leave your name, phone number, short message, social security number, and credit card number and we will call you when we’re done shopping!!!!!

By: Lucy

Lucy — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 22:47:51 +0000

Hi. This is Lucy. Well, it’s not actually malerie, becuase I’m not here. if I were here, I’d be picking up the phone, unless I don’t like you. Do I like you? I don’t know, but i’ll figure it out. You just need to leave your full name and why your calling, and after I get this message (I may never get it because I may not like you) I will call you back unless I don’t like you. Oh, if I might do that, I will need your phone number to. And if your a cute guy, I’m not this confusing in real life. Oh well, just leave that info after the ironic little beep that will go off in about five seconds, and if I don’t like you, constantly call me a ninja. That makes me feel better. BEEP!

By: Tiffany

Tiffany — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 04:33:09 +0000

this is funny:To eliminate spam, please assure us that you are a human by typing what you think that picture to the left is. HINT: It starts with a T and ends with a REE

By: TJ

TJ — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 00:51:41 +0000

Hi!….Oh wait…sorry another call is coming in just a second “beep”

By: Noah

Noah — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 03:14:47 +0000

If it’s Spring we are Spring cleaning.If it’s summer we’re watching the ice cream truck make fat kids run like hell.If it’s Fall we are jumping in leaves.If it’s Winter we are riding down on a broken sleight oh shi..(beep)

By: Gracious

Gracious — Sat, 09 May 2009 19:41:16 +0000

This message will self-destruct in 5…4…3…2…”beep”

By: Sam

Sam — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 01:30:21 +0000

Sam from your backyard,
Hi this is __________,
And If you can dream it,
You can do it!

By: melieka

melieka — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 00:25:39 +0000

hi.. uhh.. this is ______’s phone. she/he is probably out being a ninja right now and cant talk to you so leave a message and i will tell her/him to call you back!

By: Aubree

Aubree — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 07:57:36 +0000

i made this one up (i kind of mixed a few together)
Talk to the cell, cuz itâ€™s all alone, please leave your message after the tone, sorry I missed you, thanks for your time, Iâ€™ll call you back sooner if you make your message rhyme

By: mary!!!!

mary!!!! — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 05:55:34 +0000

Um awkward….. *BEEP*

By: Brittney

Brittney — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 22:56:22 +0000

Better one: Hello. This is Death. I’m not in right now. So leave your name and a message and I’ll be right with you..

By: Bobby

Bobby — Sat, 31 Jan 2009 19:06:34 +0000

hey this is _____ secratery please hold(elevator music while waiting) sorry she cant talk right now so leave a message after the beep and she might call you back!

By: Adam Teschke

Adam Teschke — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 03:27:18 +0000

Hi, you have reached _____. Leave a message and I will get back to you. Leave a sexy message and I will get back to you sooner. BEEP

By: Leelee

Leelee — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 20:27:31 +0000

You’ve got the machine, you know the routine!

By: Biff Schleeberman

Biff Schleeberman — Sun, 04 Jan 2009 21:35:00 +0000

operator person: hello you have reached…
your voice: DOWN MY PANTS YOU PERVERT!!!!

By: saza

saza — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 00:12:10 +0000

this is rida’s lamp every body else is at the answering machines funeral, im left to take cover so leave your name and number fast so i can catch my BFFs funeral

By: Emmily

Emmily — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 05:30:13 +0000

this website is fucking awesome dude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i have tourettes so please excuse my language stupid ass bitch……..Keep up the good work!See ya Later…………………………………………………………………………………Bye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By: Timmy

Timmy — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 05:38:07 +0000

(farting noise)
oh my word! i thats a biggy. hold on. i have to put the phone down (farting)(exhale) whoooohh…i had to push real hard for that one, anyways what were we talking about?
(farting) golly gee i thought i was done… i’m gonna have to call you back…

By: Shailey

Shailey — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 02:27:18 +0000

Hello?Hey waz up?!!!I have to tell you something that’s soopp important!!Wait you can’t get mad ok.(short pause)ok just so i know that you won’t get mad you have to promise that you won’t get mad.ok?Wait do you promise?Promies promise promise?ok….This is my VOICEMAIL!!!haha yea u fell for yea i know.haha!!If you can leave a message after the beep i’ll call you back unless i don’t want to talk to you.BUH BYE!!

By: Christey

Christey — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 22:51:20 +0000

Hello? Hello? (pause) HELLO????? Oh, speak up I can’t hear you. Are you on a cell phone, I think you may be losing signal.. Oh wait, actually I can’t hear you because you’ve reached my answerin machine, not me. Haha leave a message.

By: bobl;ys

bobl;ys — Sun, 26 Oct 2008 04:36:33 +0000

this is an inappropriate webstite. i am reporting it to the police

By: your bff jill

your bff jill — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 02:09:54 +0000

like totaly, like wow, like i’m not here right now! so leave a message, don’t be shy, i’ll get back to you, goodbye!

By: wabble

wabble — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 12:33:20 +0000

Hi you have reached the SSA social soliciters of america leave your name and number and we will call you back as soon as we can to try to sell you something thanks have a great day.

By: Sittin-N-Knittin

Sittin-N-Knittin — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 21:43:42 +0000

(Sung to the tune of Willy Nelson’s ‘On The Road Again’)-We’re not home again, seems like work and play and errands never end but leave a message and forever we’ll be friends when we come back home again. ‘Cause we can’t wait to be back at home again.

By: Lexi

Lexi — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 02:40:18 +0000

like toatally like wow like i am not here right now

By: steph

steph — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 16:25:13 +0000

*in crazy voice while laughing manically*
HI!!! Sorry i cant answer my phone right now, I’m playing hide and go seek with the men in the white coats!! HAHAHAH! its been two weeks and they STILL havnt found me!! HAHAHAHAA!!! LEAVE A MESSAGE!

By: Sexie Lexi

Sexie Lexi — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 04:18:32 +0000

Thank you for calling Snappy Tomato Pizza. How may I help you?

By: Gianna

Gianna — Fri, 16 May 2008 20:22:24 +0000

Hey i love answeering machines thet r funnnnnny. i love tricking people. eepecially leaving sexy messages. hehehehehehehehehehehehehehe MOANING!! WOOT WOOT ahahaha be like.”i think the phone is ringing honey, UHHHH UHHH thats right, a little more OOOHHHHHHHHHH UHH UHH uhH oohhh hump me hump oooohh feels good a little more yeah yeah, now leave a message

By: Novice Nerd

Novice Nerd — Sun, 11 May 2008 17:44:43 +0000

Hello? Hello are you there buddy!?! You’ve reached my answering machine please call again later.

By: sACKY

sACKY — Thu, 08 May 2008 01:43:35 +0000

LOL. I put my cell-phone # on my site, and had a guy with a very deep voice say it, when I am really nerdy. Hi this is ______, sorry

By: Sasha Collins

Sasha Collins — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 00:27:49 +0000

You people are so funny. You have to have something on your phone to crack people up or just to get on their fuckin nerves. Great job peeps!

By: Memmy

Memmy — Sun, 24 Feb 2008 01:29:15 +0000

Hi this is ______ sry i’m out doing better things than talking to you so leave a message and I MIGHT GET BACK TO YOU.

By: Memmy

Memmy — Sun, 24 Feb 2008 01:26:37 +0000

HI! This is ______ Here comes the beep hope you know what to do with it!

By: Sophie

Sophie — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 23:36:40 +0000

Hey this is ___________. I can’t answer or I’m not here right now. If you are smart you’ll know what to do after the tone(beep)

By: Jenna

Jenna — Sun, 27 Jan 2008 03:01:58 +0000

(in a loud, low, scratchy, retarded voice) HEY ITS ___ LEAVE A MESSAGE AND ILL CALL YOU BACK!!! SKDLHFALSKDFJGKLJDLKFJDKLJF (random noises) BLAHHHHHH!!!!!

By: Olivia

Olivia — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 01:58:20 +0000

Wow holy fuck this shit cracked me up. i think i shit my self. wow well have a great fucking day people!!!

By: Amethyst

Amethyst — Sun, 20 Jan 2008 03:30:53 +0000

why the hell are you callin me?
(pause)
your and idiot dude.
(pause)
w/e.

By: lily

lily — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 20:44:28 +0000

(song)
Good day my caller how are you?!
I hope your feeling well!
So just leave a message and then I’ll call you back
and this day will go by oh so swell
LEAVE A MESSAGE : )
^(last part optional)^